Can anyone smell burning?

Torch tôrCH:  

1. A portable light produced by the flame of a stick of resinous wood or of a flammable material wound about the end of a stick of wood; a flambeau. 

2. A gold coloured piece of metal, fashioned into what looks like a boy racer exhaust pipe, which, when lit, can bring cities to a stand still and inspire flag waving from all parts of the community. 

Yes, I have seen the light. Yes, I waved a flag. Yes, it was exciting. I even high fived a police officer on a motor bike, yes at my age. I could have done without the commercialisation of the whole thing with a giant coke sponsored truck at the beginning of the torch party (i didnt get any fizzy pop) and the mobile phone truck, no not giving out phones but flags ( I got one of those). But the atmosphere on an (unusually) sunny Monday night, stood by the side of the road, waiting for some one in a white track suite to run past with a torch was well worth staying at work for an extra hour and wandering out the door.  The bonus of being outside the university was the available WiFi, me and my work mate could live stream the torch cam, so sunshine, crowd banter, expectation and geeky ness. Cool.

Handy print out and keep guide to how not to camp

1. If the weather looks like this on the way, those clouds are not going to blow over, TURN BACK NOW.

2. DO NOT take a dog to oversee proceedings with a disdainful, long face.

3. ALWAYS be familiar with your tent i.e. don't buy it months earlier, leave it in the bag and expect to be able to assemble it quickly whilst rainclouds are threatening. Otherwise you will need to consult the instructions again, again and ...again.

4. DO NOT allow the dog to think it was all for his benefit.

5. DO NOT allow the dog to help cook the evening meal.

6. If your destination looks like this, ask if there is an available caravan for hire. If your pitch site looks like this after you have packed up, please go to the doctors as you may have trench foot.

PRINT OUT THIS HANDY GUIDE AND KEEP IT WITH YOUR TENT

Scared crows?

It the time of year where Derbyshire goes a little crazy. If it isn't pulling petals off flowers and sticking them in clay to make well dressings; gathering up bits and bobs from the bottom of kitchen cupboards, presenting them on a table and calling it a jumble sale or antique fair; it's fashioning old shirts and trousers into scarecrows and displaying them on your front lawn for passers by to admire.

Leanne was driving round with my father, and they spotted a couple of scarecrows in the north of the county. I was amused when I heard that the one with crazy hair, pink cheeks  and bright red lips started moving and was, in fact , one of the locals.

We decided to be a little subversive and make a scary, slightly demented-looking bunting-stealing corgi - like you do. I have fond memories of the 1977 jubilee celebrations, I still have the mug somewhere. So it was with a bit of guilty pleasure, that I decided to join in with the bunting-displaying monarch-loving royalist neighbours. There are queens that I do love, have loved, but that's another story.

Armed with an empty Budweiser box and a roll of brown packing tape, Maisie and I managed to fashion a dogish looking thing. It needed work but the basic shape was there. With a carefully carved bit of polystyrene we made the head. When I say carefully, I mean haphazardly hacked with a kitchen knife. 

After more sticky tape, an extension to the body, a few coats of paint and newspaper, lots of glue, more paint, a few bits of fabric...TA DA! A beautiful corgiesque creation to grace our lawn. We made some bunting and positioned it in pride of place in the front garden.

Subsequently, we have been enjoying looking at peoples’ amusement when they spot our corgi (her name is now Queenie, according to Maisie). Some passers-by have taken photos and everything. We have also enjoyed looking round the village for other scarecrows. The Queen is a popular choice, but we seem to have made the only dog. 

Our subversive dog creation paid off. We won 'most original' in the Sacrecrow Competition - a £10 voucher for the local garden centre! Yay! I'm expecting a commission for a sculpture from Chatsworth any day now.

Woof!

Out of the Book Closet

Sheffield Pride and I'd volunteered to do an hour on the University of Sheffield LGBT Network stall. So I dragged Leanne, Maisie, Maisie's friend and the dog into town to help me be an out and proud librarian. I had borrowed a library t-shirt to wear with pride, and negotiated to have library pencils and "I love my Librarian" beer mats to give away. 

We queued to get in, paid our money, and dashed to the portaloos whilst they were still clean. In fact I think I may have even been the first one to use the one I was in it was so clean and nice smelling.  Time to wander round aimlessly and decide if we want to buy a rainbow branded tie/belt/flag/badge/frizby/hat. We of course end up at the sweet stall and bought coconut mushrooms and fudge, that well known health snack combo. The dog liked the mushrooms.

I then needed to go talk to my public. I dutifully stood at the stall and made small talk with a whole variety of people, more interested in what free stuff they could get than applying for a degree at the University. The pink library pencils were very popular, as were the "some people are gay, get over it" stickers from stonewall. It was fun chatting to the students from the LGBT society who shared the stall and the other network members.    I finished up on the stall, a bit more wandering, listened to the really loud music emanating from several tents and meandered up out of the park back to the car. We also had a mission to go to a camping store and get sleeping bags for our imminent camping trip.  Two camp shows in one day!